Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in ♣Mekana Raven♣'s LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Thursday, August 21st, 2008
6:49 pm	4 days from now I finally grow up Maybe. Monday is my first day of College, how sad is that? My 10 year highschool reunion is a month after classes start. Now that doesn't make me feel old.... I figured I might as well jump in. (and by jump in I mean drag myself kicking and whining fully forced by my own solitary peer pressure) It's been about time for a long time. However, I still don't know what I want to do with myself in the long run. I wish I had something/anything that I've been passionate about for longer than 1 year just to have some sort of focus. I've got nothin. Seriously. How does anyone figure out what they'll want to do repeatedly for the rest of their lives? Anyone? Current Mood: exhausted (Comment on this)
Friday, April 25th, 2008
1:29 am	Oh yeah, forgot about him. So after I posted that last rant, I went back to check out what my post before that was about and how long ago it was. I guess there have been a few more things in between the 2 that I wanted to note here: 1st, Joey's b'day. I don't remember why I wanted to write about it, but I know his was way better than mine....I know because, well, I actually put effort into his. Yeah, I'm bitter, so what. 2nd, the Matchbox 20 Concert! Ok, so I'm a bitter one about this too, and it makes me mad that it had to turn out that way. Rocky. Damn you rocky. Rocky and I use to be pretty good friends, or at least I thought so, when we lived back in VA. Now I realize that I don't really know who rocky is, and I don't think he does either. He pretty much becomes whoever he's around most at the time. Well, I guess this all starts out way before the concert. I've never actually said most of this to his face just because I think he'd either be really embarrassed or I never wanted to upset a friend...but since we're apparently not, although I don't care to call him just to vent, I feel no shame in posting this here now for him to read at his leisure. When he first moved to Cali I was SO excited to have someone that was new like me to explore the town, find new and interesting places and people, and instead, rocky spent all his time with his roommates. Which was completely understandable, don't get me wrong. It's just that his roommates were complete potheads (according to him), and since he knew I have a low tolerance for people who have to do drugs, he chose to not hang out with me and them. Whatever. So I got to know the area by myself.....which basically meant I didn't. Anyway. So, Rocky eventually moves up to LA/Santa Monica area. I guess somehow he managed to get into harder drugs out there. Sucker. So that was his excuse for bailing out on many plans he had with me, but somehow he still managed to come into town and find time to see his old roommate..."cuz he can understand what I'm going through". Possibly true, but blowing me off for the 15th time still sucks. So, then it comes to the point that I get the Matchbox 20 tickets. In all honesty, Rocky was definitely not my first choice to go with. In fact it was kind of a last minute call to ask if he was free. Sorry man, you're just untrustworthy and I didn't want to spend any time with someone who might be cracked out at any given day. I finally heard from him that he was getting sober, so that made me feel a little bit more at ease in coming up there. I didn't want to drive up the day of the show to have to turn around after and drive the 2 hours back home too! I figured since the concert was on a sunday night (the day before st patty's day), I'd just go up for the whole weekend to spend in LA celebrating!!! ....then a few days before, Rocky tells me (mind you I'm the one that called him to see how things were going) that Friday he's not going to be in town because he's going to a concert in Vegas! WTF?!?! I'm pretty sure that he was fully aware that when I said I was coming up for the whole weekend, he knew that Friday is usually included as one of those days. Only after I ask when the fuck I'm suppose to actually drive into LA does he tell me that he's planning on coming back sometime mid-saturday afternoon....like around 7pm or so...!??! Are you kidding me?!? I was SO upset, but I still wanted the concert to be amazing, so I sucked up any anger I had and just said fine. I made other plans to go to brunch with some friends saturday morning. Then I was going to run errands or whatever until I heard from him. Well, then i think it was friday morning he texts me that he's not going to vegas anymore......because SHE blew HIM off, so now his schedule is wide open! Oh, lucky me! UGH! It's like rubbing salt into a wound! Fuck him if he thought I was sitting around just waiting to hang out with him. I took my time at breakfast, then came home and did some getting ready. I didn't end up getting up to LA till I think around 8pm. I guess before then he decided to make reservations at some restaurant with some of his coworkers and their friends, which was fun. But after he made plans to go to some ghetto dance club with a dj spinning. wait....i'm sorry. When did you ever think that I liked going to clubs like that? Especially on St Patty's day weekend when I repeatedly told you that I couldn't wait to go to irish bars and drink green beer? Did i mention that at this club a small rum and coke was $15? Yeah, sounds like my kind of place... :P We eventually left there when some of the other people we had gone with agreed with me and wanted to find somewhere more hole in the wall. The rest of the night was actually fun. I had the bruises to prove it! *lol* That night when we went back to Rocky's apartment, his new girlfriend joined us. No problems there. She was really nice, I liked her. Only thing I had in question is she was completely drunk, in no position to drive, so she was obviously staying the night....yet all week long Rocky insisted that he was going to give me his room to sleep and he'd take the couch. I'm not sure how he figured that'd work out, or if he was just b.s.ing to seem nice. Either way I offered them the room. It didn't make much of a difference to me. Sleep was sleep and i wanted mine. I woke up the next morning probably around 8:30am, this is after us coming in around 3:30...maybe later? Today was the day for the concert and I was excited. Not only that, Rocky was suppose to take me around town and show me the sights, maybe go to the beach, anything was possible! Geez I'm naive. Rocky and his lady friend didn't wake up for a few more hours, then she took off to go work on school work that needed to be finished asap. We started out going to some shopping area, which sounded like fun, but then rocky tells me that he's broke, but he'll just follow behind wherever i want to go. Uh, that didn't really sound like fun to me, so we just walked up and down the blocks for a lil bit. We finally decided to just finish walking down to the santa monica pier, since I guess it's such an important landmark to see once. It was chilly out, and not that entertaining. I tried to make the most of it, but I was getting tired from not sleeping much and I could tell rocky was too. We both had 0 energy, so I suggested we just go back to his apt to take a nap. Sounds lame/old I know, but I really wanted to be well rested for the show that night! So as we're driving back to his place, he sends a text to his girlfriend asking her if she wants to come over and watch a movie. Ok, first of all, she had already understood that today was just a day for him and I to catch up. She had her own plans finishing projects and papers for school. Why would he be an ass and fuck up both of our plans? I found out earlier that he didn't get hardly any sleep at all the night before. They had stayed up making out/having sex/whatever until the crack of dawn. So secondly, when was he planning on getting his rest? Well, obviously he didn't. I took an hour and some change cat nap. I felt so much better when I got up. We got to the show just a little past whenever it started, so we missed the very opening band. Turns out our seats weren't exactly where I thought they were, so I was a lil miffed, but I was still willing to have an amazing time. Rocky, well, he was struggling to stay awake. We pretty much sat still in the seats the whole show....not exactly my way to enjoy a concert. :( I still expected to go out again that night since I had off on monday too. YAY for st patty's day, right? It wasn't until we got back to Rocky's after the show that he pretty much said he was too tired and headed strait for bed. Again, WTF?!? Are you kidding? I'm up for one weekend only, the very first time I ever come to visit you, and you knew exactly why I was coming and what I wanted to do, and you're going to bed? I still haven't even seen any green beer or heard any bagpipes! Since he went to sleep, and as he was doing so informed me that he had to work early the next morning (one thing I wish I had known WAY earlier), I just decided to pack up my shit then and hit the road to head back home....the exact thing I didn't want to do, the whole reason I chose him to be the one to go with me. Fucker! I hadn't actually heard from him since the concert until about a week ago. He never called to say sorry, or even thanks, or to check to see if I made it home ok. Nope, he waited until him and his girlfriend were actually IN san diego and couldn't find anything else to do to call me and see what I was up to. Really great friend. I had actually made plans with my roommate and my friend Dave to go out bar hopping, and slightly adjusted those plans to try to include Rocky. My mistake, duh! According to him, sometime that night his cell phone battery died, and apparently he has a 'special' phone that doesn't turn back on, even after you rest it, to get anyone's number. He then tells me that he had his phone charger with him the whole time, he just couldn't find it till the next afternoon. Nice. Sounds plausible right? If you believe all that, well, I'll be more than happy to give him your number. Me, on the other hand, I just had enough. I don't need 'friends' like that. It's just too much. I told him exactly what bugged me and exactly how I felt and I haven't heard from him since. I'm actually very ok with that. I am a little sad that I lost a friend. It sucks when you get use to having certain personalities around, but I think it's easy this time because I don't think he knows what his own personality is anymore. Oh well. I didn't mean to bitch/vent so much, but it feels good to get it all out. I'm usually a pretty honest, upfront person. I hardly will say anything about someone that i wouldn't say to their face as well. He knew all the times that I've been upset lately, but now I feel like I can let it go completely. It's past my bedtime anyway. Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
1:11 am	my turn to update I think lists seem to be the only way i post now-a-days. Joey just tried to put a bid on a house. Luckily it was declined, since he hadn't actually thought anything past that part out. It was a neat house though, and it's always fun to redecorate. But lord knows that I love having roommates. If joey and i had gotten the place, and just lived there together i'd be a miserable mess. Speaking of miserable mess, viva las vegas was fun. :P I really wish i had taken up Jaydott's offer to go with him the year before. I would have had such a blast. I still can't quite remember why i didn't. But for this year, it was just very strained. We did alot, 99% not actually having anything to do with the viva las vegas stuff at all....joey doesn't like crowds, so of course we've got to make sure joey's happy....never mind the rest of us who would have liked to get our money's worth. Speaking of Jaydott....I wonder how that kid is. I would love to know his updates, the weather, what country he's in, how he's handling it all. I wish I could be there for him, i'm sure he's really lonely. I think at one time his "fiance" and I might have gotten along, but not after all of this. I've never met the chick and I think I'll never like her. I could understand her having uneasy feelings with him keeping in touch with me, but to supposedly force him to cut contact with my mom? That's not hurting me at all. That's just eating a lil piece of him and her, and it's not fair to either one. But who knows if he's fully telling the truth on that either. He's never been very good at being honest. Speaking of honest... *lol* J/k. I wish I really did have something to go off of that. I was on a roll for a bit. Right now I'm in a personal debate. I'm finally a cali resident so i can get cheap schooling, which would start in the fall/end of August. I was asked/offered a few weeks ago an opportunity to possibly help open TGIFriday's in Vegas and other parts of Cali. The training would be in june, the openings in September. I've recently realized that I really like teaching/training other people to do things. I'm not sure if that's my calling or whatever. I don't really see a way that could be turned into a lucrative career. But then again, what exactly would i be going to school for? The whole reason I put off going to school for so long (or at least the reason I keep trying to convince myself of) is that I didn't know what I wanted to become, therefore I didn't know what I wanted to study. There was no point in spending hard earned money on classes that would go nowhere. So now I finally motivate myself to sign up for school (still haven't picked any classes yet though....), but do i put it off yet another semester just to take this opportunity that may or may not be helpful on a future resume or just be a fun experience. If I had ANYTHING under my belt already, I would jump at the chance. But for right now, I'm still doing part-time "highschool" type jobs that are getting me nowhere, but taking up every minute of my free time. Ugh. I just wish i could figure out what I'm good at and at the same time have no problem, or really enjoy doing for the rest of my life. :P Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Friday, March 7th, 2008
1:17 am	is it time? or is it out of sight out of mind? I keep forgetting about my livejournal, and it kind of makes me mad! There's so many things I look back on in here and love to read about because I had either forgotten the moment, or how I felt in the moment. Either way, I wish I had documented SO much more than is actually here. :( I swear to myself every time that I'll make a point to remember this....but as it seems, my memory is fading, and not very good at non-life threatening semi-quasi-important things. :P I think I should set a date. One day every week (would that be too overzealous considering my last post was over.....WOAH! Almost over a year and a half ago! Eeep!), ok, maybe every other week. NO! Every week it should be. Although I don't do all that many exciting things these days, but I still have memories of little things along the way. :} Lemme think of the things I've missed posting on lately: (the dates/timeframe might be wrong, but you get the general idea... ;D ) Last weekend I got to see Sara after a long test she had taken and wanted to have me help erase her memory. *lol* We went out to Tyhpoon's in Pacific Beach for a few drinks and dancing. :) The weekend before that Jimmy, Joey and I went to a tattoo convention in LA. A few weekends before that, Joey and I went to Del Mar to go see Corteo, which was an awesome Cirque Du Soleil show! I can't wait to get back to Vegas to go see more! DEFINITELY WORTH IT!!! I can't really remember much further back. I don't have my calendar on me at the moment so I can't look up hints. ;P A few notable things coming up: Jaydott's about to go to Africa for a year. Jason's about to go to Iraq for a few months. I'm officially a California resident, one step closer to finally pushing myself into school. The Matchbox 20 concert is in less than 2 weeks!! Current Mood: determined (Comment on this)
Monday, October 16th, 2006
11:48 am	update on the past few days events.... I'm too tired, and i just woke up, to post a detailed story about everything I've been up to lately. ;P Just briefly (and probably only for my own interest to look back on later) this is what's been keeping me busy: Last Friday - Flogging Molly show. Didn't buy tickets early, it got sold out. Made the guest list. Drank all night. VIP. Came home around 4am. Last Saturday - Hungover! Leila convinced me to barhop at the ocean front. ambushed steve's car. Shucker's moved. Still good times. :D Friday - had girls night in. drinks. boondock saints. laura talked dirty to a random cabbie on the phone for 15 minutes for a free ride. Saturday - Lumberjack Championship. Weinerdog contest. Peanut Festival. Baron's Pub. Sunday - Hunt Club's Haunted Hayride. Current Mood: satisfied (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 16th, 2006
7:57 am	The morning commute Joey called me this morning around 6:23am because he had forgotten his work boots at home, so he needed me to bring them to the Shipyard a.s.a.p. to drop them off. The normal 20 minute drive becomes 45 minutes w/morning traffic...more time than I wanted to spend on the road this am. I understand at least 1/2 the people are probably rushing to get to work as well. (There's nothing we can do about that) But my question is.... ....why are there so many elderly people on the road this early? And where are they going??? I'm sure some might have doctor's appointments, but not all of them!...? Could they? There should be a traffic time schedule. Elderly people who want to get out and drive around *aimlessly* shouldn't be allowed on congested highways during morning rush hour. Let's make it happen. Don't think I'm against the elderly. I know we all eventually become them. *aimlessly* is the key word people. ;P Current Mood: confused (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
9:21 pm	Of course not Yup, didn't go anywhere this past weekend. Am I surprised? Nope. Well, wait. I went to the craft fair with my girlfriend janette early saturday afternoon because I knew fare well that Joey wouldn't end up going w/me on sunday. We just kinda sat around the house for a few hours until we left to go watch Talladega Nights (decent movie btw). Then we rushed home to start up the grill and had a bbq w/a few friends. :} That part was actually pretty nice. I love having people over, but it doesn't happen often enough.... This Friday my girlfriend Tonya, her hubby Joe, and their 3 lil ones are headed down here to go to some wedding. I'm SO excited!!!! She's my sweet, innocent, crafty friend. I love her!! :D And I can't wait to see her twins; oh, and make fun of joe. ;D Then next weekend should be Jim and his woman Miranda. Yay for visitors!!! I'm not sure what the plans are, or if we're just wingin it, but either way I'm sure it'll be good times damnit. Current Mood: hopeful (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006
1:30 pm	carpe diem This past weekend I had off and Joey had off from work; and yet we sat at home, inside on a beautiful day. Around 1:30pm I finally couldn't take anymore! I demanded that we go out for ice cream sundaes, then a trip to the Norfolk Botanical Gardens. I'd recently seen a commercial for their new exhibit, but mostly I had always wanted to go to find this one certain hill that's been a mystery..... One day, a few years ago, I was on a flight to somewhere and was looking out the window while we were taxiing down the runway. When the plane took flight, something caught my eye. There were people sitting on blankets on top of a small hill directly underneath the plane's flight path!! HEAVEN!! Ever since then, I've wanted to find that hill....but if you know me, you know I put very little effort into the actual search. ;) The gardens are right next to the airport. That hill has to be in the gardens!! It just has to!!! I figured a chance to finally search the botanical gardens was a great adventure on a beautiful afternoon, especially with a belly full of ice cream! *hehe* I knew Joey's preference for Cold Stone would help sweeten the deal (excuse the obvious pun). I ended up just getting a smoothie, while he got a banana split. Both of ours were a little ordinary for such an expensive particular parlor, but meh....we liked them. :} We ended up spending at least an hour and a half walking around. I thought we had covered the entire place, since joey was the map holder :P, but but once I got my hands on the brochure I noticed that we barely covered 1/2! :D That means we're going to have to plan a second trip! This time we're packing a picnic. After all the excitement and energy that just being outside gave me, I had all kinds of motivation to do more things like that. I've now decided that I'm going to give my best effort (seriously) into having more outings like the such. Maybe we'll go to the Aquarium or the VA Living Museum or Craft Shows, or free concerts, or who knows?!? :D I'm excited. Current Mood: giddy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 26th, 2006
3:10 am	don't expect me to be friendly the next few days so, tomorrowtoday's apparently the last day I could stall off signing 'the papers'. fun. i can't sleep. it's 3:11am. oh the irony i can't find anything else to attempt to distract me, so i guess i'm off to bed to stare at the ceiling for a while. Current Mood: anxious (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 21st, 2006
1:44 am	where's the line? Ok, so the other day I was at the mall and I saw this: I really really want NEED it!!! (actually, I just want the heart part...I want to cut and paste it into something else....not sure what yet....but who needs a bag that big? ;P) First thing I did when I got home was look up the website. It's still as expensive as stupid Up Against My Wallet was, so next I checked ebay. They didn't have it on there...yet... And then it occurred to me: why is it ok to re-sale copyrighted items such as clothing, paintings, cars, etc. on ebay, but it's not ok to trade free music on napster and other music sites?!? Sometimes people can make more $$$$ on ebay off an item than the actual manufacturer or creator did! It makes no sense!! I just had to share. Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 15th, 2006
11:49 am	gulity I feel that I have to tell y'all this......I use livejournal to spell check anything I write before posting on myspace. :} I'm a terrible speller. Thank you livejournal! Current Mood: guilty (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 10th, 2006
5:24 pm	bad things will eventually get better About a week before Memorial Day weekend, I decided to pitch my 10 year old tent to let it air out. I doubt it had seen sun for at least 6 years. Actually, I can guarantee that...if not longer ;P My mom gave it to me when I moved out in 2000. The last time I remember using it was when I was in 6th grade (1992!). Jeez! I guess my tent might be more my age! *haha* Anyways, Steve came over and helped me put it all together. It wasn't hard, but it wasn't exactly easy either. The idea of the tent was easy, but the poles were old school stiff metal. They don't exactly bend easily. But we got it up quick enough (steve's very boyscout type). *haha* Well, I never ended up going camping so the tent just sat in the back yard. A few times I went back there to check it out. The first time I was going to take it down was the day after a rain storm so the inside was still wet (cuz I was the smart one and decided to unzip the windows to help it air out) so I had to let it completely dry. The next time it was drizzled w/bird poop and underneath was the new home for a family of slugs. I sprayed it down to get everything off, but then left it out there again. :} A few days ago I remembered the tent again and figured my neighbors probably didn't appreciate the eyesore so I attempted to think about taking it down again. This time I dragged it to the side of the house for a better cleaning. That was no easy task! The tent isn't exactly small, and the poles aren't exactly light. After a good spray, I went inside to wait till it was dry. Of course, I got busy, forgot about it, and went off to work. The next morning I remembered the tent. I ran outside and turned the corner of the house....just to see NO tent!! WTF?!?! Uh...who steals a tent?!?!??! I'm going to skip the middle part of the story since it's null now. I have my tent back. :D Apparently nobody stole it just moved it, or maybe they attempted and failed. Either way, my tent was found and I have it back. :D Yay! Now I just need to use it. ;) *haha* Current Mood: amused (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 31st, 2006
12:37 pm	I'm getting better.... I've been trying to avoid getting on myspace as often as I have been. I do it for no other reason than boredom. Things are ok right now. This past weekend was fabulous! Jenofx's job sent her down to Corolla, NC (otherwise known as the Outer Banks....OBX if you've ever seen the tourist stickers). I kinda invited myself to go down to visit her. *hehe* Her job put her up in this nice beach town house and she was all by herself! WE can't have that!! So Rocky and Steve came with me along w/Pina Coladas and Scooby Snacks. ;D I wish I had a digital camera so I could put up pictures. Unfortunately I only have a few pics on my 35mm which is still in the camera unfinished. :P As much as I hate new technology, I think I'm ready for something new. :} Anyways, we got to Corolla by somewhere around 2pm and started drinkin right away, duh! *haha* We went shell hunting down at the beach (the water was way too cold to get in) and even found 2 new crab friends. The next day Lisa, her sister, and her boyfriend came down to join us too so we could have a huge Memorial Day cookout! Fabulous food and way too much of it made it hard to drink as well, so it was more of a calm relaxing day. Probably for the best. I felt SO bad for poor miss Jen. She worked nights the whole weekend, so she got little to no sleep at all! She's a trooper. ;D All in all it was a fun event. I want to do it again! Any takers...?!? Current Mood: calm Current Music: The Walkmen - The Rat (Comment on this)
Friday, May 26th, 2006
9:07 am	No offence youngins Last night Rocky, Janette, Joey, his friend Josh and I went to the Flogging Molly show. Josh and Joey had gotten there early (the show started at 8), but I was stuck at work for a while so Rocky, Janette and I didn't get there till a little after 9pm. We basically missed the 2 opening bands, minus one or two songs from the last opener. After a few drinks between set changes, we all decided that the back of the club wasn't the place to be. *haha* Luckily all of us are fairly small people so we could push through the crowd easily. I ended up right in front of Nathan for pretty much the whole show. Joey was right behind me and thank god for that! I have HUGE bruises all up and down my legs and arms from being smashed into the guardrail. If Joey hadn't been behind me I would have been a pancake! He definitely kept most of the people from squishing me, much appreciated!!! There was only one dickhead that really gave us some trouble. Why do tall people always have to squish on the short ones, huh? Dick. Plus there were way too many young kids there. I know that I was once the young one at a show, but for flogging molly? I think it should always be 21+up, or at least have separate sections. ;) *haha* No worries! After the show Janette, Rocky and I went backstage for a bit....well, rocky got kicked out after a few minutes for being a guy. *haha* That's so lame. I lost interest after that, but we stayed a little bit longer anyways. Finally we left so we could go enjoy ourselves at the Wave. Yay! :) We were only there maybe 20 minutes or so, but it was worth it. I miss that place!! Sorry this entry is poorly written and short. I have no energy, i'm super hungry, and i'm late for work. ;D Current Mood: excited Current Music: Flogging Molly, duh! (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 21st, 2006
10:27 pm	I don't understand love About a week ago I got a phone call from a friend that use to work for me when I was living in Houston. Ralph was my best worker! He would never argue or complain; just do all his work with a smile every day. He was also a friend. We would go to lunch together sometimes, or hang out after work w/everyone else. But that's as far as it goes. We kept in touch since I moved away in December '04.....phone calls every few months or so just catching up. About a month or 2 ago he called one night around 3:30-4:00am. The first time the phone rang, I couldn't be bothered getting out of bed. I figured it'll eventually stop ringing. The second time woke me up a little more, but I still stayed in bed. The third time I got up to see who called, then hit the 'ignore' button. He called 4 more times, one right after the other. On the 7th call, I answered the phone pissed. I didn't even say hello, I just started in on yelling about the calls. If I didn't answer the phone the first time, why in the hell would you call 6 more times!?!?!? At 4am?!?!?! He told me that he had something important that he needed to tell me, but now that I was pissed he'd let me go... Then he hung up. We haven't talked since, until last week. I guess the night he called last, his brother had gotten into a bad accident earlier that day and Ralph couldn't get a hold of anyone who could tell him if his brother was ok or not. That got him thinking about the people he cares most about in life and the only person he wanted to call right then was me...so he did. He went on to tell me that he's been going to school the past 2 years to make himself a better person, and he's about to move to San Antonio and wants me to move out there to be with him so he can "treat me like a queen". If I don't like it there, after 6 months we'll move to wherever I want and he'll buy me the house of my dreams. :( I'm sure this is going to sound mean, but I was kind of pissed that he dumped all that out. We've been friends for a while. I like having guys as friends, JUST friends. All throughout high school any guy that was my friend was either a former ex, or we eventually dated. I'm trying so hard to be a better person than that. I've been trying so hard to make sure there's solid lines that are never crossed. I want to be that girl. If Ralph's feelings are genuine, I can't talk to him anymore! We didn't talk often, but I liked knowing that I still had a friend back in Houston. And how dare he start saying that he cares about me when he knows nothing about me! How is that possible? It's all fake! Sure, I guess I should be flattered. Maybe in a few days I'll take it that way, but for now I'm not. And the fact that he came out with it all out of no where?!? It makes no sense. During that conversation he kept asking me to tell him he had a chance, but then would never give me a second to tell him no. It just kept getting me more heated and pissed, but I still consider him a friend and I don't want to hurt his feelings by interrupting and yelling that I would never think of him that way. So I told him I'd call back another day. He called again tonight. Actually, he just hung up on me. This time I told him he needed to listen. I told him that I wanted to be as honest as possible and he needed to hear it. The conversation didn't go well. It started with him getting upset, then getting offensive talking trash about other people in my life. He wasn't trying to be rude to them, I think he was just trying to make himself seem better, but it it just made him look ignorant. When I called him out on it and told him that it was too much and there was NO chance, he hung up. I'll miss talking to him, but I hope he doesn't call back. *update* he just sent me a text: U r too mean bye cant b with u made a mistake It makes me sad, but I've got too many other things to worry/stress about right now. Goodbye Ralph. Current Mood: aggravated (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 19th, 2006
1:49 am	I feel like I've lost my best friend; only worse I'm so hurt right now that I don't even know what to type. Everyone's so obsessed with the top 8 on myspace. If I had more coding skills, I make a top 8 in my life...not just myspace. Not everyone that's important to me is on myspace. But there are some that are. My top 8 in life (not in any order): 1. My Mom 2. My Dad 3. My Aunt Lynette 4. My Sister 5. Jaydott 6. Jason 7. Joey 8. Dete There's more than come close, but if I had to narrow it down to just 8, those would be it. Today one of those people deleted me from their life. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I cared about this person. Maybe I didn't care enough? Maybe I cared too much? Maybe I don't really know what caring means? or Maybe we just weren't meant to be friends. Either way, I'll never know. When an important person chooses to leave your life, there's nothing you can do but feel lost. I hope things will change. Current Mood: indescribable (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 16th, 2006
12:28 am	So busy.... I already feel drained and it's only Monday. I have a different appointment scheduled for every day this week. Plus I have to work, and still somehow find time to unpack and organize the new place! I'm headed out to Suffolk tonight (if I can just stop procrastinating) so I can be there first thing in the morning to get stuff done. *haha* I know myself too well to know there's no way in hell I'll wake up early tomorrow morning and head out there. ;) It's already 12:30, and yet I got out of work at 10:20pm. Hmm...somehow I found 2 hours of things to distract me and yet got nothing accomplished. *haha* It happens. :P I'm excited about tomorrow night! Ex-roommate Dave is coming over when I get out of work to bake a cake! His 1 year left in the Navy mark was a week or 2 ago. He wanted to make a "FTN-don't enlist" cake, but never got the chance. We're going to make up for that tomorrow night....oh yes we will. ;D I know he bought like 3 or 4 cake mixes, 3 things of frosting along w/a few frosting writing tubes and I've got a carmel writer, food coloring and TONS of awesome shaped sprinkles (fish, stars, confetti, flowers, and dinos!!). Be Jealous. Current Mood: excited (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 14th, 2006
5:32 pm	alone time? Ok, well I'm doing much better than I was the other day.... :{ This past year I've just been finding myself in days of anxiety. Maybe it's my age. Maybe it's the situation I'm in. Who knows. When I get into my funk there's no one I want to call or be around. I can't shut off my phone, but I ignore practically every call. If I answered your call, feel special...well, no, don't. I probably got frustrated at you for not understanding, even though I didn't tell you anything was wrong. Maybe you didn't even know I got frustrated at you and I just secretly hated you in my head for a minute. yeah, sorry about that. *lol* I never understood people wanting their alone time. Honestly I still don't. But I spent this weekend pretty much by myself and I think it was the best idea. I feel much better. I think I need a few days off.....More than just the weekend. It's not enough time to truly relax or get anything accomplished. I need a week. I need a few good days that I can stay motivated to do the things I've been putting off. Right now I'm over my job. Today I'm already getting a little frustrated cuz I can already imagine how tired I'll be this week working 2 classes. But I need the money, and I haven't really done anything else in finding a new job lately (that's what I need at least one day off during the week for). *sigh* As soon as I get settled, things will be better. Current Mood: worn out (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
4:27 pm	something's wrong My muscles can't relax. I feel like something's about to happen. I can't rest. An uneasy feeling is soaked into my skin. It's difficult to move. My hands can't stop sweating. I wash my hands thinking that it'll help. The water's warm, but it feels cold. My heartbeat is faint, but I can tell it's fast. I'm not empty yet, but I feel the energy draining. Nothing good can come of this. Current Mood: uncomfortable (Comment on this)
Monday, March 27th, 2006
1:03 am	Right now everything is almost perfect. It's 12:55am. I have to get up in a few hours to catch a plane to Washington DC for an interview with United Airlines; but I'm SO excited I doubt I'll be able to sleep! My resume is done! (thanks completely to my amazing sister. it looks awesome!) My hair is cut. (it's strange, but not too bad) And I've got the best people in my life. :} I am almost completely content right now....and I only say almost because I still live all the way out in Suffolk, but I have a feeling that's going to change soon too. ;) I don't want to jinx things, but I'm just so cheezing right now. :D I still need everyone to keep their fingers crossed for me tomorrow!!!! Current Mood: ecstatic (Comment on this)